Democrats are in da' house. And da' senate.

The Democrats now have control of the house, the senate, and more. This is a portion of what the soon-to-be speakerette of the house, Nancy Pelosi, had to say about it:

“Tonight, the American people have entrusted us with their hopes and aspirations, for themselves, their families, and their future. We will honor that trust.

Democrats share the faith and values that Americans uphold in their families and in their communities. We intend, working together, to build a future worthy of that faith, worthy of the sacrifices of our men and women in uniform, and worthy of the hopes and dreams that Americans have for our children.

Tonight we have made history; now let us make progress.”

First of all, do these politicians really delude themselves into thinking that Americans entrust them with their hopes and aspirations for themselves, their familes, and their future when they vote for them? Generally speaking, the only people whose hopes and dream's depend on certain candidates being elected are the candidates themselves. The Democrats were elected because the Republicans didn't do jack for two years. Nothing else.

Secondly, what faith and values do the Democrats share with the American people? Faith in Socialist government policy? The value of tax increases? Seriously, if there's anything I hate about smarmy political speaches, Republican or Democrat, it's the vague references to American "faith" and "values". Last time I checked there were very few beliefs and values that all Americans shared. Pretending that America is united doesn't make it a reality.

Lastly, I shudder at what this new Democratic "progress" will entail. The Republicans were lousy, but when Republicans are bad, they're Democrats. When Democrats are bad, they're Communists.

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On another note, Nancy Pelosi scares me. She might as well be Josef Stalin's wife. She's just that scary. The only thing that scares me more than Nancy Pelosi is this page from a children's book entitled "Why Mommy is a Democrat":



There are so many things disturbing about this image, that I scarcely know what to say. This haunting image of fat, slightly demented, liberal squirrels is fundamentally damaging to the deepest levels of the human psyche. For those who wish to inflict further nightmares upon themselves, check out more pages from the book at it's website. The fact that Democrats want the government to act like everyone's "mommy" is precisely the reason why conservatives disagree with them. Everyone already has a mommy. We don't need another one.
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On yet another note,
check out the Democrat who's first in line to run for president in '08. And for those who didn't click on the link (you know who you are), it's none other than the beloved governor of Iowa! All the guy needs to do is change his last name from Vilsack to something solid and respectable, like Robertson, become governor of a state that people actually care about, like Nebraska, and he's ready to re-take the whitehouse for the Democrats, the squirrels, and all the good little Americans who just want everyone to share their toys!

It's that time of year again!

Most people assume that absolutely no day of importance stands between the sugar laden gluttony of Halloween (or church approved Halloween substitute) and the poultry laden gluttony of Thanksgiving. This is a huge mistake. On November 7th, all of the people that count will be celebrating the anniversary of Russia's glorious, yet inaptly named, October revolution. Truly, this is a holiday that people near and far can celebrate with zeal. A holiday where we remember that with dedication, armed peasants, and just a little bit of magic, a small group of intellectuals can screw up much of the civilized world for decades! If everyone pitches in, I know we can make this the best Communist Day ever.

For those that want to understand what Communist Day is all about, this is the story of the very first Communist Day, taken straight from the worlds most complete and accurate source of all information pertaining to communism, the Wikipedia:

"On October 25 (November 7), 1917 , Vladimir Lenin led his forces in the uprising in Petrograd, the capital of Russia, against the ineffective Kerensky Provisional Government. For the most part, the revolt in Petrograd was bloodless, with the Red Guards led by Bolsheviks taking over major government facilities with little opposition before finally launching an assault on the Winter Palace on the night from November 6 to November 7. The assault led by Vladimir Antonov-Ovseenko was launched at 9:45 p.m. signalled by a blank shot from the cruiser Aurora. The Winter Palace was guarded by Cossacks, Women's Battalion, and cadets (military students) corps. It was taken at about 2 a.m. The latter date was made the official date of the Revolution."

Of course, the story doesn't end there. Legend says that every Communist Day eve, jolly old Saint Lenin travels all over the world in his magic sleigh pulled by flying musk-oxen, to wreck his terrible vengeance on the bourgeoisie oppressors, and to visit the houses of all the little boys and girls. Good children are given an extra allowance of potatoes to make it through the harsh winter, but the naughty children are shipped to labor camps in Siberia. I hope everyone's been extra good this year!

But what's a holiday without some rousing holiday songs? On Communist Day, the accepted custom is to sing random passages from the Communist Manifesto to the tune of Bob Dylan's classic song Positively 4th Street. The words usually don't match up to the tune, and the results are often incoherent and obnoxious, so the spirit of Mr. Dylan's original song is kept relatively intact.

And don't forget about the food! On Communist Day, the whole community gathers together and plunders the home of the nearest wealthy man, taking special care to obtain any foodstuffs that may be found on the premises. The food that has been confiscated from the oppressor is then cooked over an open fire that has been lit in a public place, preferably a WalMart parking lot. Following the meal, the adjacent WalMart can be protested against, vandalized, or destroyed, depending on individual discretion.

Presents can also be exchanged on Communist Day, but must consist solely of potatoes grown on public land. All other presents must be considered bourgeoisie and are to be discarded as relics of capitalist oppression. On the surface, the humble potato may seem like a meager gift, but in the hands of the determined worker of the world, it has a seemingly endless array of uses, and should be received with gratitude. Remember: it is not just a potato, but a potato of liberation.

So this year, remember to make November 7th a day you'll cherish always, and may the Communist spirit last throughout this year and the next!