Gore Isn't Running. Surprise!

"I have no intention to run for president"

-Al Gore

If you just skimmed past the quote above, go back and read it.

And don't just read it like you might read the nutrition facts on the side of a box of Cap'n crunch. Really read it. Linger over each and every syllable; let your soul absorb the very essence of the sentence. Now, close your eyes, clear your mind of all thoughts, and try to visualize the incredibly complex concept that Albert Gore Jr. was attempting to communicate with those beautiful yet simple words.

By now, assuming that you have a brain at least slightly larger than a pecan, most of you will probably have a pretty firm grasp of exactly what it was that Gore said:

Al Gore said he has "no intention to run for president".
This probably means that Al Gore does not intend to run for president.

It's too bad that millions of seal-hugging liberals and nostalgic journalists seem to have brains slightly smaller than pecans.

Yes, Al Gore won an Oscar and a Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, Al Gore is revered by hordes of young political zealots. But no, Al Gore will not be, and will not attempt to become, our nation's next president. Even if you were to completely ignore Al's repeated assurances that he will not run -- like so many have -- a Gore '08 campaign just doesn't make good sense. Why would he want to be the president when he's already an all-powerful environmentalist deity?

At this point in time, Al Gore has more influence and prestige than any single politician in the country. Our Democratic congress and our Republican president are both sinking into a bottomless pit of low-approval and general mistrust. So far, Al Gore has managed to hover above the mess by maintaining his status as a private citizen.

But If Al decides to return to politics -- presidential or otherwise -- his achievements so far will be marred by suspicion that his environmental heroics were motivated not by genuine concern for all things green and/or furry, but by an unbridled thirst for power. And in the case of the 2008 presidential race, an even greater danger could await poor ol' Al: the very real possibility that he might lose. If Al Gore lost the primary, which would be likely, given Hillary's massive hoard of campaign cash, and his less than three months to catch up, he would solidify his reputation as a loser, and severely damage his currently untouchable prestige in the eyes of young liberals.

The chance of losing isn't Gore's only concern. Politics is a messy, nasty game; Gore, of all people, knows this very well. If Gore enters the presidential race, he will be put under intense scrutiny by a previously-adoring media, and will almost certainly be subjected to vicious attacks from Democratic candidates who have had nothing but praise for Gore as a private citizen. It may be difficult to precisely predict what would happen in a hypothetical Gore '08 primary bid, but one thing is certain: Gore would not come out unscathed.

It's taken Al Gore nearly a decade since his humiliating presidential defeat to regain a prominent spot on the national stage. In the world of environmental activism, he wields an unprecedented amount of influence, and in the eyes of the media, Gore is the immaculate patron saint of one of the largest social movements of our day. Will Gore decide to risk it all for a chance to win the office that eluded him seven years ago?

He says he won't.

That's good enough for me.

Which One of These Doesn't Belong?

In the months leading up to Fred Thompson's "late" entry into the 2008 race, the question on everyone's mind -- or at least, my mind -- was whether the lawyer-actor-senator-lobbyist could topple king Rudy from his red white and blue throne. Now, over a month after Thompson's official announcement, the answer seems to be a timid no. Despite all the premature comparisons, Fred Thompson just isn't shaping up to be another Ronald Reagan.

Heck, he isn't even shaping up to be another Gerald Ford. With all due respect, Fred appears to completely lack the ability to fire up the conservative base -- an ability that many thought would be his greatest asset. The warning signs were in plain sight long before his announcement: there was the story about Fred's lobbying work for a pro-abortion group, rumors about his wife's controlling behavior, Dr. Dobson's "I don't think he's a Christian" diss, and faint rumblings about his lifestyle during his single days on capital hill. By the time Thompson broke the news that everyone had been expecting on Jay Leno, his embryonic candidacy had already lost a considerable amount of luster.

Still, hundreds of candidates with far heavier loads of personal baggage have managed to cruise to victory. Generally speaking, Americans are willing to overlook a few minor inconsistencies, as long as those inconsistencies are paired with a healthy dose of charisma. Sadly, Thompson has been consistently striking out in the charisma department. The title of a WORLD magazine profile of Fred Thompson was a typical assessment of Thompson's star power in action: "Blah and Order". Thompson obviously expected that his low key, down-to-earth persona would appeal to so-called "common sense conservatives". So far, it appears that he was terribly mistaken. Fred's notoriously bland stump speeches have left eager audiences all across the country disappointed and disillusioned with the man that many thought would be the savior of the conservative movement. In the post-Bush era, it will take more than vague, folksy American-isms to energize the Republican party.

None of this is to say that Fred Thompson won't be a major factor in the primary race. The latest poll numbers place Thompson solidly in second with 23% to Giuliani's 30%, a respectable chunk of the electorate by any measure. But in order to surpass -- not just threaten -- Giuliani, Thompson needs a little something called momentum, a commodity he seems to be sorely lacking.

What should the Thompson campaign do to remedy the situation? Well, I may not have a degree in public relations, but here's just one teensy little tip that I would like to offer Fred for absolutely no charge:

SMILE.

When you're running for president, having a face that constantly says "I've come to loot your churches, slaughter your cattle, steal your womenfolk, and send your children into bondage" isn't a good thing. Just a thought.