Sarah Who?

The list of contenders had been discussed for weeks.

Tim Pawlenty: the base pleasing evangelical.
Mitt Romney: the native son who could snag Michigan.
Joe Lieberman: the independent wild card.

We waited and wondered. Which one would John McCain give the nod to?

Today, we know the answer: none of the above.

In a few weeks, McCain-Palin '08 bumper stickers will show up in parking lots across the nation. Hopefully, people will have recovered from the shock by then.

Who the heck is this person?

Sarah Palin is the governor of Alaska. Like Hillary Clinton, she happens to be a woman. Unlike Hillary Clinton, she happens to be a strong social conservative. McCain is probably hoping that bitter Hillary supporters ignore -- and evangelical supporters notice -- that last part. She's younger than Barack Obama, and has five kids, including one with downs syndrome.

I could go on.

But there's only one thing you really need to know about Sarah Palin. A profile in the Times of London included this gem:

"As a child she regularly got up before dawn to go moose-hunting with her father"

Moose-hunting. Seriously.

This election just became awesome.

Black (Political) Gold!

The merits of offshore oil drilling are heavily disputed. Plenty of smart people have pointed out that the economic benefits of offshore drilling would be non-existent in the short term, and hardly noticeable in the long term. On the non-economic front, environmentalists are jittery about the possibility of oil spills soiling the feathers of baby ducks and other photogenic animals. If that weren't enough, both environmentalists and smart people have argued that our ultimate goal should be to phase out fossil fuels completely -- making any move to expand our supply of oil counterproductive.

Logically speaking, some of those arguments may be partially valid.
Politically speaking, none of them matter.

Right or wrong, the public wants offshore drilling. Democrats in Washington would do well to take notice -- if they want to keep their jobs.

Here are the raw numbers (taken from Rasmussen Reports):

64% of Americans support offshore oil drilling
67% recognize that Republicans support offshore drilling.
77% say that the issue will affect how they vote for congress.
61% want congress to return to Washington to lift the ban.

With such widespread support for offshore drilling, Democrats who oppose it are playing right into a classic liberal stereotype: the elitist, condescending professor, arrogantly lecturing the poor, ignorant people about what they ought to believe.

Clearly, this is a cause for great feasting and celebration in the land of the GOP.

After years of setbacks, Republicans have finally found a populist issue that they can successfully hammer the Democrats with. Some have even attributed John McCain's surprising buoyancy in the polls to his outspoken support for offshore drilling.

Responding to these gale-force winds of public opinion, Barack Obama has already signaled his willingness to compromise on the issue. Nancy Pelosi and Harry "oil makes us sick" Reid should consider following suite.

A flip-flop? Maybe.

But at least it's a change that 64% of Americans can believe in.

A Face You Can Trust.

John Edwards, conqueror of corporations, defender of the impoverished, and possessor of the golden haircut, is now watching helplessly as his public image is dismantled, piece by piece. All of his illustrious accomplishments are slowly being overshadowed by his scarlet mistake. No one cares about who John Edwards was, because they can only see him for what he is now: a guy who cheated on his dying wife.

Sure, John Edwards made a mistake -- but should that be allowed to tarnish a shining career of heroic heroism? In the midst of the overblown controversy, I think we should all take a little time to remember the real John Edwards.

Born the son of a middle-class mill supervisor, John Edwards grew up with the knowledge that poor people existed somewhere. He would never forget this. After graduating with a law degree from the University of North Carolina, his career options were endless. He could have easily taken a selfish corporate job, lining his pockets by oppressing the downtrodden.

Instead, he became their defender.

Doctors, hospitals, and the makers of cheap swimming pool accessories quaked with fear as John Edwards held them to account for their sheer depravity and evilness. In the blink of an eye, his legal career rose to stratospheric heights -- but he refused to use his talent to enrich himself. When it came time to purchase a house, Edwards chose to dwell in a modest 28,000 square foot home, even though he could have afforded at least 30,000.

The forsaken poor of our nation looked up at this pillar of justice, and saw their dreams reflected in the glistening strands of his righteous mane. He was their savior, the man who would break the chains of systemic injustice, and lead them into a new century of prosperity and unbridled joy. They were his people -- and John Edwards could not deny them.

In the Senate, John Edwards began his greatest crusade for the poor. The path was lonely, and covered in little spiky rocks that really hurt when stepped on. But he refused to abandon the little man. The fight had to be fought, as no one had ever fought the fight before.

A nation had to be awakened from its greedy slumber.
John Edwards had to run for president.

Traveling from sea to shining sea, Edwards became the voice of the voiceless. His message was simple: poor people exist, and they must be made un-poor with the help of copious amounts of government cash.

At first, his efforts were met with confusion. Many had never heard of such things. Who were these "poor"? Wasn't "poverty" an unpopular flavor of ice cream during the '90s? Why did these things need to change? Like infants using their eyes for the first time, the flabby bourgeois of the nation simply stood in place, blinking at the pure light of truth.

He didn't win. But he didn't quit either.

Four years later, he tried again -- and failed again.

The cynics out there might tell you that John Edwards never really made a difference in the political world. They couldn't be more wrong. No, he didn't become president, but he did something that no one else had ever done before: he talked about poor people. As anyone who watches Oprah knows, healing can only happen through open, honest talk. John Edwards gave that to our nation. Because of his campaigns, we now know that poverty is a problem that must be solved. We also know that the solution has something to do with well-groomed hair and lawsuits. Now, the rest is up to us.

That's the real Edwards legacy. Not a legacy of deceit, adultery, or ludicrously expensive haircuts, but a legacy of hope. In our darkest hour, John Edwards was a light. In the midst of our ignorance, he gave us the sacred knowledge. 

For that, both Americas should be forever grateful.