Obligatory Giuliani post.

Given the fact that Rudy Giuliani is still the most popular candidate in recent surveys of Republican voters, I contemplated writing a long-winded piece skewering the political positions and personal life of "America's Mayor".

Then I realized two things:

(1) My blog has a readership of about three people, myself included, and therefore anything I write won't do a whole lot to sway the collective opinion of America's cattle-like masses.

(2) Writing such a piece would be too darn easy.

In theory, convincing a conservative that Rudy Giuliani would make a poor candidate for the Presidency of the United States should be similar to convincing a liberal that Jerry Falwell would make a poor candidate for the Presidency of the ACLU. Giuliani is so diametrically opposed to everything that red-staters hold dear that it's almost absurd to even consider his candidacy a valid one. Let's look at a heavily abridged list of grievances:

Rudy Giuliani is pro-abortion.
Rudy Giuliani is pro-gay.
Rudy Giuliani is anti-gun.
Rudy Giuliani is soft on illegal immigrants.
Rudy Giuliani has had numerous extra-marital affairs and is currently on his third marriage.
Rudy Giuliani has a bizarre penchant for cross-dressing at public events.

Essentially, Rudy Giuliani is a man who has committed every sin against conservatism that one can think of, with the possible exceptions of:

Driving a tiny, European, hybrid car.
Burning the American flag.
Eating a bald eagle.
Driving a tiny, European, hybrid car with a burning American flag attached to the antenna, while eating a bald eagle.

There's no point in writing a lengthy exposition on Giuliani's faults. Everything's already out in the open. Rudy Giuliani is unabashedly, plainly, and completely liberal. The last candidate I wrote about, Mitt Romney, comes as a wolf in sheep's clothing to seduce conservative voters to the dark side of the political spectrum. Giuliani, on the other hand, comes as a wolf in wolf's clothing, wearing an adhesive nametag which clearly reads:
Hello! My name is: Wolf

And yet, despite the hideous 900 pound gorilla of liberalism which remains perched atop Giuliani's candidacy, feasting on bananas of vice and iniquity, Giuliani still enjoys poll numbers that make him the envy of... the candidates who have lesser poll numbers. Why? Every American over the age of 12 knows the three-digit answer by heart: 9/11.

In order to avoid sounding overly cynical, I'll readily admit that Giuliani did an admirable job of uniting a City in a time of tragedy. To millions of people across the country, Giuliani became a symbol of American resolve in the face of terror. And even though it might be possible to make a case for it, I won't charge him with political opportunism. As far as I'm concerned, Giuliani truly loves his city and his country, and poured his heart and soul into the task of healing the gaping wound that was inflicted on both.

But there's a difference between heroism and the ability to lead this country in the right direction. If a dog leaps into a burning building and saves a small child, the dog certainly deserves admiration, praise, and several biscuits. But despite the dog's heroism, no sane human would endorse the canine's candidacy in a race for the highest public office in the country. Heroism is a wonderful trait, but it certainly doesn't qualify someone to become the next president of the United States. Any candidate for any public office should never be judged solely on the basis of their conduct during a single event in their lifetime. Instead, the whole man, his personal behavior, his public record, and his current stance on the issues needs to be put under intense scrutiny. The Republican voters who continue to circle Rudy Giuliani's name on survey forms are making a conscious decision to ignore Giuliani the liberal, and are instead casting votes in favor of Giuliani the hero. Unfortunately, a vote for the latter is also a vote for the former. Let's just hope people realize this by the time the primaries roll around.