Shedding Tiers.

Whether it happens to be a day, a week, or a month from now, Fred Thompson will announce his entry into the 2008 presidential race.

And deep down inside, it kind of makes me sad.

It's not that there's anything particularly wrong with Fred himself; he's consistently conservative (with a few niggles, like his support for the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform act), he possesses an intangible aura of authority, he was in The Hunt For Red October, and he has a rustic southern voice that makes you feel like you're skinning an alligator in a log cabin built on a Louisiana swamp, while eight floppy-eared-hound-dogs lie at your feet, gnawing on a possum carcass.

No, what really gets me down is the fact that Fred Thompson's entry will make the already ignored and irrelevant "bottom tier" candidates even more ignored and irrelevant. You know who I'm talking about: people like Mike Huckabee, Sam Brownback, Tom Tancredo, Tommy Thompson, Ron Paul, Jim Gilmore and Duncan Hunter. Candidates who, for the most part, have said the right things, done the right things, avoided embarrassing personal scandals, and in some cases sport impressive political track-records, but still continually fail to generate any sort of "buzz" around their campaigns. Candidates who've attempted to reach out and embrace the conservative base, only to be met with vigorous snubbings all around.

Do they actually deserve such a magnitude of snubbery?

A few of them probably do. Although ex-pastor Mike Huckabeee is firmly pro-life, and can conjure up more homey southern anecdotes than a 'coon cookin' up grits in a henhouse, his liberal social-service views are something of a pill of poison for fiscal conservatives to swallow. Additionally, Tommy Thompson, who I had the unique displeasure of seeing in person, has several policies that can only be described as genuinely bizarre, and Ron Paul appeared more than a little nutty in the debates.

But what about the other guys?

There's Duncan Hunter, who effectively conveys a strong sense of military-style authority, while maintaining all of the cold-prickly views that conservatives hold near and dear to their hearts (slash spending on lazy bums who won't work, increase spending on the military, deport illegals, bomb-bomb-bomb bomb-bomb Iran etc.), Sam Brownback, who has an impressive pro-life legislative record, if not the most charisma, Tom Tancredo, who, despite his bitter/uncomfortable/mean/spacey appearance in the debates, is solidly conservative and surprisingly friendly, and last but not least, Jim Gilmore, who.... probably hasn't committed any felonies. They're all reasonably good people with reasonably good track-records and reasonably good plans for America's future.

But for some reason, conservatives just can't be satisfied with their options. They have to salivate over a big, bald actor from Tennessee who smokes non-Cuban cigars and drives the kind of pick-up truck that men respect, women love, and tiny animals fear. Unlike the other candidates, ol' Fred Thompson seems to be able to magically attract the kind of flag-saluting, troop-supporting, nascar-watching, french-bashing conservatives that Republican candidates need in order to survive. And better yet, he can do it without lifting a single one of his presently nicotine-stained fingers, employing a political style that can only be described as "napping towards victory" (apologies to Dave Barry). Regardless of whether or not there are other candidates with more experience or equally conservative positions, Fred Thompson simply has an undefinable something that automatically places him in the big leagues of presidential politics, while the undefinable something-less candidates flounder in perpetual obscurity.

And that's what makes Fred's entrance into the race so sad. Although he doesn't have a 100% chance of winning the Republican nomination, he'll snatch up all of the unenthusiastic support that the poor little guys have managed to grub up in the past few months. Tancredo, Brownback, Hunter, Huckabee and all the rest will try to hold campaign events across the country and absolutely no one will show up; the candidates will be left standing in empty auditoriums and pavilions, trying to wipe away their tears with carefully prepared pages of now-useless notes, wondering how it all went wrong, as their underpaid campaign managers attempt to offer reassurance and Dixie-cups of sugar-free lemonade.

So, to all the over-looked, insignificant, unpopular or unappealing Republican candidates reading this, I can only say:

I'm sorry. I really am.