Never one to buck trends, I feel strangely compelled to join in.
So, here's my friendly election advice: if you vote for one presidential candidate this year, make it Barack Obama.
Please?
Yeah, I know he's the most liberal guy in the Senate. I'm also aware of the fact that he hasn't really accomplished anything beyond winning elections. And sure, he's on the wrong of side of the biggest moral issue facing our country.
Those are all important things to take into consideration, of course.
But not the most important things.
Whenever you size up two presidential candidates, there's only one question you really need to ask yourself: who's going to give me more stuff?
As far as I'm concerned, the answer is clearly Barack Obama.
Senator Obama shares my outrage over rich people making so much money. Why should some evil, cigar-chomping CEO get a million smackers a year, while noble students like myself live below the poverty line? Clearly, this abominable gap between the haves and the have-nots must be eradicated. I may not actually contribute anything to the economy, but I still deserve a larger slice of the American pie. Obama will gladly serve it to me on a biodegradable, corn-based platter.
As a native of the American university system, Obama also understands the deep injustice of college tuition payments. In a modern nation, college should be free, like rainbows and laughter. I shouldn't be forced to toil within the bowels of academia for half a decade, only to be handed a bill at the end. Obama promises to remove this oppressive financial burden from my shoulders, and banish it to the realm of darkness forevermore. Yes, there is such a thing as a free lunch -- and it's incredibly delicious.
Does Obama want to spread Joe the plumber's wealth around?
Maybe.
But as long as I get a decent chunk of it, you won't hear me complaining.
Vote Obama: if you're not rich, he'll give you lots of shiny things.
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