It's that time of year again!

Most people assume that absolutely no day of importance stands between the sugar laden gluttony of Halloween (or church approved Halloween substitute) and the poultry laden gluttony of Thanksgiving. This is a huge mistake. On November 7th, all of the people that count will be celebrating the anniversary of Russia's glorious, yet inaptly named, October revolution. Truly, this is a holiday that people near and far can celebrate with zeal. A holiday where we remember that with dedication, armed peasants, and just a little bit of magic, a small group of intellectuals can screw up much of the civilized world for decades! If everyone pitches in, I know we can make this the best Communist Day ever.

For those that want to understand what Communist Day is all about, this is the story of the very first Communist Day, taken straight from the worlds most complete and accurate source of all information pertaining to communism, the Wikipedia:

"On October 25 (November 7), 1917 , Vladimir Lenin led his forces in the uprising in Petrograd, the capital of Russia, against the ineffective Kerensky Provisional Government. For the most part, the revolt in Petrograd was bloodless, with the Red Guards led by Bolsheviks taking over major government facilities with little opposition before finally launching an assault on the Winter Palace on the night from November 6 to November 7. The assault led by Vladimir Antonov-Ovseenko was launched at 9:45 p.m. signalled by a blank shot from the cruiser Aurora. The Winter Palace was guarded by Cossacks, Women's Battalion, and cadets (military students) corps. It was taken at about 2 a.m. The latter date was made the official date of the Revolution."

Of course, the story doesn't end there. Legend says that every Communist Day eve, jolly old Saint Lenin travels all over the world in his magic sleigh pulled by flying musk-oxen, to wreck his terrible vengeance on the bourgeoisie oppressors, and to visit the houses of all the little boys and girls. Good children are given an extra allowance of potatoes to make it through the harsh winter, but the naughty children are shipped to labor camps in Siberia. I hope everyone's been extra good this year!

But what's a holiday without some rousing holiday songs? On Communist Day, the accepted custom is to sing random passages from the Communist Manifesto to the tune of Bob Dylan's classic song Positively 4th Street. The words usually don't match up to the tune, and the results are often incoherent and obnoxious, so the spirit of Mr. Dylan's original song is kept relatively intact.

And don't forget about the food! On Communist Day, the whole community gathers together and plunders the home of the nearest wealthy man, taking special care to obtain any foodstuffs that may be found on the premises. The food that has been confiscated from the oppressor is then cooked over an open fire that has been lit in a public place, preferably a WalMart parking lot. Following the meal, the adjacent WalMart can be protested against, vandalized, or destroyed, depending on individual discretion.

Presents can also be exchanged on Communist Day, but must consist solely of potatoes grown on public land. All other presents must be considered bourgeoisie and are to be discarded as relics of capitalist oppression. On the surface, the humble potato may seem like a meager gift, but in the hands of the determined worker of the world, it has a seemingly endless array of uses, and should be received with gratitude. Remember: it is not just a potato, but a potato of liberation.

So this year, remember to make November 7th a day you'll cherish always, and may the Communist spirit last throughout this year and the next!