Clash Of The Titans!

Everyone was waiting for it:

The big slip up.
The game-changing performance.
Anything that would alter the dynamic of the race.

It never arrived.

The first presidential debate was intense, but neither candidate managed to score a decisive victory.

Naturally, America's current economic crisis was given the seat of honor at the debate. Contrasting opinions about the solution were remarkably absent. Both candidates generally agreed that the $700 billion bailout should be passed, assuming that appropriate measures are added to protect "main street".

Even when it came to diagnosing the root cause of the problem, there was little fundamental disagreement. Barack Obama was quick to pin the problem on too little government regulation in corporate America. McCain didn't use the same wording as Obama, but he made it clear that he believed "corporate greed and excess, and CEO pay, and all that" were the biggest villains in the crisis.

However, McCain also delivered a scathing -- albeit familiar -- indictment of wasteful government spending, including Barack Obama's own earmarks. Obama voiced general agreement with McCain's call for earmark reform, but attacked McCain's plan to cut taxes for the wealthy. McCain responded by attacking Obama's plan to raise taxes on businesses. You can probably fill in the blanks from here.

Trying to nudge the discussion into more specific territory, moderator Jim Lehrer asked a thoughtful question: which of their proposed programs would the candidates give up due to the $700 billion dollar bailout package? Both Barack Obama and John McCain had the same answer: none of them. Apparently, nearly a trillion dollars of unplanned deficit spending isn't big enough to trigger budget cutbacks elsewhere. You could almost hear logic and reality weeping backstage.

The most pointed remarks of the night came during the foreign policy portion of the debate. McCain bluntly referred to Obama as "naive" about the nature of the world, and constantly referenced his own years of experience in international affairs. For his part, Obama harped on McCain's support for the Iraq war, and delivered the expected tirade against Bush's foreign policy. Heated arguments, but certainly no surprises.

Notably absent from the debate was any mention of Sarah Palin, whose very existence on McCain's ticket would seem to undermine the whole "experience matters" thing he likes to talk about so much.

So, that's my take. For your reading pleasure, I've included some of the tastiest quotes from the debate below. Enjoy.

John McCain:

"I saved the taxpayers $6.8 billion by fighting a contract that was negotiated between Boeing and DOD that was completely wrong. And we fixed it and we killed it and the people ended up in federal prison"

I'm glad they fixed the bill before killing it. Somehow, killing a broken bill always feels less than satisfying.

"I've got a pen, and I'm going to veto every single spending bill that comes across my desk. I will make them famous. You will know their names."

Whose names? Who's going to be famous? I'm both scared and confused.

"the American people know me very well and that is independent and a maverick of the Senate."

Um, yeah.

"By the way, North Korea, most repressive and brutal regime probably on Earth. The average South Korean is three inches taller than the average North Korean, a huge gulag."

Short people are evil.

Barack Obama:

"What I've called for is a tax cut for 95 percent of working families, 95 percent. And that means that the ordinary American out there who's collecting a paycheck every day, they've got a little extra money to be able to buy a computer for their kid, to fill up on this gas that is killing them."

Truly, people need to buy more stuff that will kill them.

"Now, John mentioned the fact that business taxes on paper are high in this country, and he's absolutely right. Here's the problem: There are so many loopholes that have been written into the tax code, oftentimes with support of Senator McCain, that we actually see our businesses pay effectively one of the lowest tax rates in the world."

Like Barack Obama, I too am personally outraged and appalled that our business tax rates are actually really low. 

"We've got to invest in science and technology. China had a space launch and a space walk. We've got to make sure that our children are keeping pace in math and in science."

Hasn't America been doing that whole space thing thing for about fifty years now?