9/11

The Berlin Wall fell a few months after I was born. The Soviet Union collapsed when I was still a toddler.

Growing up in the '90s, you had an overwhelming sense that history had ended. Not completely, of course. There were lots of little wars, in little countries no one cared about. Jim Lehrer kept on talking about Bosnia for some reason. And something called the Internet happened at some point.

But face it: life was good. The cosmic struggle over the fate of the world had ended. On September 11, 1990, as the first Gulf War loomed, the first President Bush famously set the tone for the next decade:

Out of these troubled times, our fifth objective -- a new world order -- can emerge: a new era -- freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit of justice, and more secure in the quest for peace. An era in which the nations of the world, East and West, North and South, can prosper and live in harmony.

In a matter of months, the United States brought one of the largest military forces in the world to its knees. And a decade later, it really did seem like a new world. America ruled, computers were everywhere, and the Furby promised to delight children of all ages with its ability to mimic human speech.

As my family and friends rang in the start of a new millennium, I didn't know what the future would hold. But as I stood in the warmth of the Hawaiian winter, I knew my world would be better and safer than the world my parents and grandparents had grown up in.

On the night of September 10th, 2001, there was a scheduled power outage in our neighborhood. My family decided to turn the event into a kind of family bonding experience. We were all going to sleep together in the living room. Like a sleepover, but without the friends, or fun. Or electricity.

When I woke up the next morning, the power was back on. Almost everyone had made their way back to their own rooms. I drowsily rolled off my sofa bed and wandered into the hallway. I could hear the TV on in my parents' room.

I walked in, and saw a skyscraper in New York collapsing. Another was on fire.

I hadn't seen enough movies to immediately recognize the Twin Towers, but I knew a lot of Americans were dying, and things were about to change.

History was starting again.

It felt like we were stuck in front of the television for days, waiting for things to make sense. When President Bush gave his address to the nation, I felt more proud of my country that I ever had before, and probably ever will.

(A lot of people wonder how Bush managed to sneak into a second term. I think it's because 62 million people didn't forget that speech.)

Like most Americans, I felt everything that day. Terror. Sadness. Anger. But that night, I wrote a typically matter-of-fact entry in my journal:

September 11, 2001, a date that shall live in infamy. Today, terrorists completely destroyed the world trade center twin towers, and damaged the pentagon. They did so by highjacking 4 airliners, and crashing into their targets. One plane crashed in a field and did no damage. The death toll is not yet confirmed.

A month later, I wrote a follow up, with the appropriate heading "America Strikes Back:"

Shortly after the attacks on the WTC it was confirmed that the hijackers were members of Al-Qaeda, a terrorist organization headed by Osama Bin Laden. This organization has been credited with the bombing of the USS Cole. The organization, which is based in Afghanistan, has been tolerated and supported by Afghanistan's Taliban regime. In a speech, president George W. Bush called the terrorist attacks "an act of war" and condemned the Taliban regime.

On Sunday, October 7, 2001, the U.S began launching air strikes on Afghanistan.

Today, America is drowning in debt, and divided. We're still fighting in Afghanistan. The President tells us that we're done fighting in Iraq -- but the 50,000 troops that remain tell a different story. We have no leaders. Liberals are stabbing each other in the back, while conservatives fawn over a self-proclaimed rodeo clown and an unemployed hockey mom.

When the masses celebrated the start of the new millennium on January 1, 2000, smart people scoffed. They knew that the 21st century wouldn't really start until 2001.

They were right.

Get On The Joe Train!

American rail transit hasn't been doing so well for the past four decades or so. Despite heavy federal subsidies, ridership on Amtrak is still pathetically low by international standards. Some cynics have even questioned the merit of keeping the ailing passenger rail network on life support.

Fortunately, Amtrak has a friend in high places. Since the day he landed in office, Vice President and Chief Train Enthusiast Joe Biden has become the official champion of Amtrak. And a few days ago, in the digital pages of the Huffington Post, Biden delivered a fresh argument in favor of keeping Amtrak around for future generations to enjoy (and pay for):

When I took the train every night--and I still do whenever possible--I always noticed the lights on in the houses flickering in the passing neighborhoods, dotting the landscape speeding by my window. Moms and dads were at their kitchen table, talking after they put their kids to bed. Like Americans everywhere, they were asking questions as profound as they are ordinary: Should Mom move in with us now that Dad is gone? How are we going to pay the heating bills? Did you hear the company may be cutting our health care? Now that we owe more on the house than it's worth, how are we going to send the kids to college? How are we going be able to retire?

I would look out the window and hear their questions, feel their pain. And every time I made that trip, it would inspire me to get up the next day, head back down to Washington, and give them the answers they're looking for. Those moments looking out the window and seeing the lights on, they told me things that the briefing folders in front of me never could.

Residents of the Wilmington-DC corridor must sleep soundly at night with the knowledge that Joe Biden is gazing lovingly into their windows, feeling their pain. If only more Americans would ditch their four-wheeled monstrosities and choose rail transit. Trains alone have the power to inspire the children of today to become the Joe Bidens of tomorrow.

Of course, there is a semi-serious argument embedded in Biden's nostalgic trip down the tracks. Namely, that rail transit is "a powerful and indispensable way to carry us all into a leaner, cleaner, greener 21st century." To prove his point, Biden notes the importance of rail transit in a densely populated stretch of the East Coast:

Consider that if you shut down Amtrak's Northeast Corridor, it is estimated that to compensate for the loss, you'd have to add seven new lanes of highway to Interstate 95. When you consider that it costs an average of $30 million for one linear mile of one lane of highway, you see what a sound investment rail travel is. And that's before you factor in the environmental benefits of keeping millions and millions of cars off the road.

While this is certainly true, it's also true that the majority of Amtrak passengers are concentrated along the Northeast Corridor. In almost every other part of the country, rail travel simply isn't a part of everyday life. Americans love their cars, regardless of whether they're going five blocks down the street or across the country on an epic journey to find themselves. There's a reason why you don't see a whole lot of teen train-trip movies.

On paper, rail transit has benefits. But that doesn't mean squat unless people actually use it. Fortunately, with a spokesman like Joe Biden, it's only a matter of time before good Americans realize the error of their ways and embrace the true power of the train.

Open Letters To Random Public Figures At The Dawn Of A New Year, 2009 Edition.

Dear Barack Obama,

Millions of starry-eyed Americans voted for you in '08. Some of them were impressed with your fancy talk. Others liked the fact that you weren't George W. Bush. But mainly they just thought you would grow a beard in office.

Alas, a year has gone by, and your countenance is as hairless as one of those hideous dogs you sometimes see in books on freakish animals. If you really want to honor the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, put your face where your mouth is.

There's still time. Time to put facial hair back on the presidential map. Time to inspire a new generation to aspire to bearded greatness. It's all within your grasp.

Just do it.

Dear Tiger Woods,

You are probably still an excellent golfer. I can respect that. In fact, there are many things about you we can all respect. Like your ability to golf! But I already mentioned that. Also, you have lots of money. Many people would enjoy having as much money as you have. You could buy the best Lego set ever! Twice!

So, cheer up. Things can always be worse than they are. You are not dead or homeless, which is more than I can say about any number of dead or homeless people. And when was the last time a bear attacked you? A bear attack is the ultimate bad thing that can happen to someone -- and it hasn't even happened to you.

People are like ugly goldfish. With time, they'll forget all of your personal transgressions. Just ask that one guy.

Dear Sarah Palin,

Please, no. No.

NO.

Dear Glenn Beck,

I remember the good times. You were like the hilarious uncle that everyone wanted to hug with their laughter. Then, Obama came, and something changed. Now you're more like the scary uncle who frightens the children with racist conspiracy theories.

We want the old Glenn back.

You can start by simply calming down. If Obama is destroying America, why is food still so delicious? It just doesn't add up. Embrace life, and weep no more.

Dear Pixar,

You are awesome. But in these times of austerity and sacrifice, don't you think it's time to share the awesome?

Think about it: if you merely donated 5% of your awesome to lesser movie studios, you could raise Hollywood's total awesome quotient (TAQ) by 500%.

This is actual math.

Dear Jim Lehrer,

It's the beginning of a new decade. And you remain on TV. That's something to think about.

Fifty years ago, no one would have imagined that a Muppet could become one of the longest-running news anchors in America. But despite your stiff, mechanical movements, and crudely designed, white-less eyes, you've managed to outlast your human competition.

It's true that no one under, over, or at the age of 20 watches you anymore. But compared to the rest of the Muppets, you've done very well for yourself. The direct-to-video movies? That Christmas Special? Those terrible commercials? The short-lived association with Long John Silver's? Oy.

So, thank you. Thank you for showing the children of America that you don't need a beating heart to touch the heart of a nation.

Think About It.

Decisions that are weighed carefully are better than stupid decisions. And when members of our government are making decisions, the importance of rational thinking is paramount

Bills rushed through Congress in a couple days can financially burden the nation for decades. And half-baked strategies cooked up by a commander in chief can lead to tragedy.

The "never let a crisis go to waste" mentality is the root of all kinds of evil. When a crisis strikes, bad ideas can become reality in the blink of an eye. We saw this happen in the aftermath of 9/11, the aftermath of the financial meltdown, and we're starting to see it in the midst of an overblown health care crisis. Government officials become intoxicated with fear, make a flurry of drunken decisions, and wake up a month later with a serious legislative hangover and angry constituents flooding the phone lines.

So, when Obama promised to "never rush the solemn decision" of sending American troops into combat situations, it seemed pretty reasonable. The use of military force is a complicated issue, both financially and morally. War is not a game.

The war in Afghanistan, which Obama was addressing in his speech, is an especially sticky situation. More manpower may be needed, but it's only a small part of what needs to be a multi-pronged strategy. The surge in Iraq produced incredible results, but ultimately, it was the Sunni awakening movement as much as increased troop levels that quelled the violence. In Afghanistan, where corruption is endemic, tribalism reigns, and opium powers the economy, it'll take some serious thought to cook up a comprehensive strategy that can stop the country from returning to the arms of the Taliban.

But prominent conservatives, including Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and Rush Limbaugh, have decided that Obama's policy of actually thinking about things will lead to ruin.

According to Cheney and Limbaugh, Obama is "dithering" on Afghanistan.

Rove claims Obama is being too "wobbly."

Really?

For the record, there's nothing conservative about behaving rashly. Few things are more antithetical to the conservative mindset than a gut reaction to a problem. William F. Buckley famously wrote that his National Review stood "athwart history, yelling stop, at a time when no one is inclined to do so." For decades, conservatives have fought against ill-conceived experiments in social engineering. They would do well to encourage the same critical thinking when it comes to American military action.

At least George Will gets it. After Cheney accused Obama of "dithering," the masterful columnist offered this rebuke:

"For a representative of the Bush administration to accuse someone of taking too much time is missing the point. We have much more to fear in this town from hasty than from slow government action."

Yea, verily.

A bad leader can still make a bad decision after months of rigorous thought. Obama may indeed drop the ball on Afghanistan. And if he ends up making a bad decision, critics should feel free to fire away. But criticizing him for trying to make a good decision is absurd.

Obama is trying to do the right thing in Afghanistan. For that, he deserves a tasty cookie -- not ridicule.

Michael And Me.

Anyone who goes to a Michael Moore movie expecting a logical argument will walk away disappointed. Moore is a populist, not an intellectual. He goes for the gut.

And in his latest movie, Capitalism: A Love Story, it works. Sometimes.

Capitalism has everything you'd expect from a Moore film. There's the ironic, '50s-era stock footage (more so than usual), Moore-on-a-mission stunts, honest Americans facing economic ruin, and a lesson about the evils of -- what else? -- capitalism.

To make the case that capitalism is the root of all evil, Moore presents a loosely connected set of emotional vignettes:

Families being forced out of their homes.

Airline pilots who have to work a second job to survive.

Companies taking secret life insurance policies out on their employees.

And so on.

Some of the things Moore shows us are troubling. But ultimately, Moore is kind of like a man who sees a house on fire and launches into a tirade on the evils of oxygen. It's sad that some people are losing so much. But everything they had in the first place was the result of -- *gasp!* -- capitalism.

And many of the things Moore complains about don't seem to have much to do with capitalism at all.

In the final portion of Capitalism, Moore lambasts the $700 billion bailout of financial institutions as corporate robbery, and marches to Wall St. demanding the American people's money back. Fair enough. But government handouts to failing businesses are hardly a product of pure capitalism.

Similarly, when Moore tells the story of a for-profit juvenile prison that rakes in the dough thanks to a couple of corrupt judges, the problem seems to lie with the dangerous collusion of business and government -- not laissez faire economic policies.

Michael Moore claims to be non-partisan, but conservatives hoping to see Obama get some comeuppance for his continued support of corporate welfare are left empty-handed.

Moore does go after some prominent Democrats, most notably Chris Dodd. But Obama largely gets a pass. Even when Moore rips apart Tim Geithner, he never mentions the man who appointed him.

And while Michael Moore shows footage of house Democrats -- including Dennis Kucinich -- boldly standing up to the first bailout bill, he ignores the fact that a wide majority of Republicans voted against the bailout.

And as always, Moore plays it loose with the facts. When Moore reveals that wages have remained steady since the '80s while productivity has shot upward, he concludes that Americans are being forced to work harder for the same amount of pay. While this may be true in some cases, it's pretty lazy to ignore a little something called the digital revolution that's been going on for the last few decades.

Interestingly enough, Capitalism has a strong religious message, unusual for a Moore film. Moore, a liberal Catholic, interviews several priests who have some harsh words for America's economic system, and mocks the idea that Jesus would support capitalism. To drive home the point, the movie's takeaway message is worded in distinctly moral terms: "capitalism is an evil, and you can't regulate evil."

Like all of Moore's films, Capitalism is cleverly crafted and entertaining. But your enjoyment of the film may hinge on your ability to temporarily shut down large portions of your brain.

Near the end of Capitalism, Moore shows footage of Katrina survivors stranded on the roofs of their houses, and tells the audience that this is what capitalism bring them.

Actually, that's what large hurricanes combined with bad engineering bring us. Common mistake.

Olympics Part Deux.

The International Olympic Committee gave Chicago a stunning slap in the face last Friday. If Chicago had gone toe-to-toe with Rio in the final round of voting and lost, no one would have been shocked.

But the combined power of Oprah and Obama couldn't even carry the second city past the first round.

Ouch.

Make no mistake -- this wasn't about Obama. There was never a compelling reason to bring the Olympics to Chicago. Rio De Janeirro deserved to win. Chicago didn't.

But at the same time, Obama's Olympic disappointment is a microcosm of his flawed understanding of foreign policy.

Critics enjoyed roasting Bush over his "arrogant" approach to world affairs. He was a gunslinging Texan with a messiah complex -- embarrassing at best, dangerous at worst.

And more often than not, Bush was guilty as charged. He thought we could swoop into the Middle East and transform it into a democratic paradise. Bush envisioned America as the savior of the world -- a nice thought, but an unrealistic one. Now, Obama is left to pick up the pieces of Bush's failures.

But arrogance comes in different guises.

Obama's employs a kinder, gentler arrogance. It's an arrogance that says that the world will bend to our wishes if we butter it up with smiles and heartfelt mea culpas. On a more personal level, it's an arrogance that says the magnetism of one man can reverse decades of anti-Americanism around the world.

There's nothing wrong with being nice to other countries. It's certainly better than being an international jerk. But it's not going to win any major concessions from the international community.

And the fact that Obama is an international celebrity doesn't mean the world will hand him what he wants on a silver platter.

Obama showed up in Copenhagen assuming that the IOC delegates loved him. They probably did. But it wasn't enough to change their minds.

People in Europe may swoon over Obama, but we're not seeing our NATO allies rush to reinforce U.S. troops in Afghanistan. Why? Because nations are selfish, and they don't want to make that kind of sacrifice. Their personal affinity for Obama isn't worth a dime when it's time to make policy.

The utility of warm-fuzziness is limited.

In the end, an American president needs to have the courage to do the right thing, regardless of what other countries say. Bush's decision to invade Iraq was a bad one -- but it would have been just as bad if every member of the UN had backed it.

"Going it alone" isn't an ideal strategy when it comes to dealing with the world's problems. But sometimes, if you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself.

An Olympic Blunder?

President Obama is dealing with a sophmore slump in his freshmen year.

Iran is testing missiles and developing nukes. Afghanistan is a quagmire. Solid Democratic majorities in both houses of Congress are incapable of passing healthcare legislation. Nobody knows what to do with all the scary people in Gitmo.

And in the midst of it all, Obama's once-soaring poll numbers are starting to fall to the earth. If Rush Limbaugh wants Obama to fail, it looks like he's getting his wish.

Obama needs to score a feel-good win to prevent his presidency from looking like an epic fail.

This Friday, he plans on doing just that. In a historically unprecedented move, Obama will personally lobby the Internatioal Olympic Comittee to bring the 2016 Olympics to Chicago.

If Obama succeeds, his position as the darling of the world will be solidified, and Americans will have a little piece of positive news to cling to.

But what if he fails?

Fair or not, there's no doubt that Obama will be skewered if Chicago fails to bring home the athletic bacon. Obama sold himself as a guy who could magically make the world give America a big hug. If the Olympic committee gives Chi-town the cold shoulder, his international star power will look a bit faded.

And Chicago definitely has problems. Its famous public transit system is falling apart, high profile acts of violence are rocking its troubled neighborhoods, and The Honorable Rod Blagojevich is now a national symbol of Chicago corruption.

To top it all off, Rio De Janeiro has long been the assumed frontrunner in the Olympic race. Will the Olympic overlords really refuse to give up-and-coming Brazil its first shot at hosting the games?

Something tells me that Obama wouldn't be jetting out to Copenhagen unless he had assurance of success. Then again, he may just be audaciously hoping to melt the hearts of the IOC members.

For America's sake, here's hoping the president doesn't fall flat on his face. In these times of general woe, our country could use a few scraps of superficial prestige.

Racists With Racist Charges Of Racism.

Is it racist to call Obama a racist? According to lots of liberal commentators, the answer is yes. Ever since Glen Beck proclaimed that Obama harbors a "deep-seated hatred for white people," the statement has been used as exhibit A in the ongoing effort to portray conservatives as racists.

But this raises a few questions. Is it ever appropriate for a white guy to accuse a non-white guy of racism? What if the non-white guy is actually racist? And is there really anything inherently racist in a charge of racism?

Obama was raised by white folks. Most of his closest advisors are white. The idea that Obama hates white people is laughable. But lots of people are stupidly accused of racism. When Bob Herbert, a black columnist, accuses white conservatives of being driven by racism, I think he's wrong. But I don't think he's racist.

Isn't it possible that Glen Beck's stupid and incoherent statement was just a stupid and incoherent statement?

Suspicious Minds.

Barack Obama is black. Barack Obama is also a liberal Democrat.

If you ask conservatives why they don't like Obama, they'll probably point to characteristic no. 2. But liberal commentators can see through this charade.

Those conservative hicks don't care about "the constitution," "limited government," or some stuff that Thomas Jefferson wrote. When they say "socialist," they really mean "scary black person."

The proof? Why, it's all around us --
The nutty conspiracy theories.
The heated rhetoric.
The sheer disrespect they show for The Office of The President. (*gasp!*)

Political differences could never stir up this kind of deep-seated hatred. It's a bonafide Presidential lynching -- angry whites rising up to destroy an uppity colored man.

After all, remember how nice conservatives were to Bill Clinton -- a white, moderate Democrat from Arkansas?

I sure don't.

You want conspiracy theories? Forget that whole birther deal -- fringe conservatives accused Clinton of being personally responsible for several murders. And when Clinton proposed his health care plan, it was opposed (and eventually defeated) with just as much fervor by conservatives in Congress. Talk-radio, the fount from which so much of this racial animosity is supposedly flowing, rose to prominence as the center of opposition to the Clinton administration.

Maybe some of Obama's critics are racists. And maybe some of Obama's supporters are racists. To be quite honest, I'm not sure what goes on deep inside the minds of everyone in America. But the fact that a group of people loudly -- even rudely -- opposes someone with different political views can be understood without pathetically playing the race card.

Sadly, even when it comes to something as universally tragic as the 9/11 attacks, some liberals just can't resist making everything about race. Kate Clinton (of no relation to Bill), a writer for the Huffington Post, had this to say about the Republican reaction Barack Obama:

"Republicans treat President Obama as if he were a substitute and they are just waiting for the real deal to come back in the room. That would be a white Republican male. Their desperate efforts to delegitimize an elected president (not to be confused with their efforts to legitimate a selected president) remind me of their panicked response to the terror attacks on September eleventh, eight years ago. For many of them, it was their first experience being attacked. Unlike women, poor people, and people of color who know being attacked as a pre-existing condition, the white guys freaked. Their world order was rocked. They panicked, put the country in lockdown and retaliated against the wrong country."

Yes, you read that correctly: September 11th was only frightening for white males. And those dumb ol' white men only attacked Iraq 'cause they were so scared. Seriously.

But moving on from that breath-taking piece of ignorant nonsense, Clinton's first point was partially valid. Republicans probably do consider Obama as a place-holder until they can get someone from their own party in office. Just as Democrats thought of Bush as some idiot they had to put up with until the coming of their messiah. In the political system, you're always looking towards the next election cycle -- and hoping to win. That's life.

It has nothing to do with race. Sure, Republicans would love to replace Obama with a white male Republican. They'd also love to replace him with a white female Republican. Or a black male Republican. Or an black female Republican.

Throughout his political career, Obama has called on conservatives and liberals to stop questioning each other's motives. And while Obama hasn't always lived up to this standard, it's a good bit of advice.

It's easy to believe that someone who disagrees with you is motivated by some dark force in the recesses of their soul. But in the end, all you get is a debate poisoned by imaginary issues.

The Visible Hand Strikes Again.

Once again, The Economist hits the nail on the head with a write-up of the now infamous "cash for clunkers" program:

Rebate schemes like this tend to encourage buyers to advance purchases that they would have made anyway, thus cannibalising future sales. The termination of a car-scrappage scheme in France in the 1990s led to sales plunging by 20%. Nor is it certain that the scheme provides a more general boost to the economy, as buyers may have been put off other purchases in order to afford a new vehicle.
...
The green benefits are also hotly contested. The scheme should help to make America’s car fleet slightly less fuel inefficient, but there are significant environmental costs in scrapping perfectly good cars and building new ones.

The American economy is an incredibly complicated machine. When the government decides to stick its greasy hands inside and fiddle around with the parts, bad things tend to happen. This isn't to say that government policy can't have positive effects -- but in almost every case, it comes at a price. Short-sighted policies that promise too-good-to-be-true benefits lose their shine when the consequences come a-knockin' on the public's door.

Right now, members of congress are considering a piece of legislation that would transform America's massive healthcare industry. The benefits are obvious: everyone gets healthcare coverage. But before trigger-happy reformers vote aye, they might want to dwell on the unintended consequences of their pet project. Yes, just about every modern country provides universal healthcare coverage. But a lot of those countries have to deal with huge doses of taxation, high levels of sustained unemployment, and a stagnant work force.

After considering the pros and cons, a lot of people may still support the legislation. The good of universal coverage may outweigh the associated evils.

But there are some things that no one can foresee. Our economy is based on billions of unpredictable transactions between individuals. If seemingly harmless programs like "cash for clunkers" can create unintended ripples in this economic ocean, what could happen when the government gives one of our largest industries an extreme makeover?

I'm really not sure. But you can bet it won't be all unicorns and rainbows.

Workers Of The World Unite! ... Please?

Leftists around the world were thrilled when the world economy came a-tumblin' down last year. Capitalism had failed! It was time for the people to arise, and create a new, better order, full of rainbows and the equitable distribution of income!

But when it came time for elections in Europe -- a stronghold of center-left politics -- things didn't work out quite as planned. In short, the socialists got pwned.

A new article from The Economist does a good job of examining this phenomenon:

With the exception of Greece, the European elections in June were a disaster for social democratic parties. From France to Austria, centre-leftists failed to harness dislike of conservative incumbents. There was a swing against ruling socialists from Bulgaria (where they were ousted from national power in July) to Britain (whose prime minister, Gordon Brown, looks irredeemably unpopular). In Spain supporters of the ruling socialists tried hard to convince people that they were as upset as anybody about unemployment of nearly 20%, but voters still nudged to the right.

Elsewhere in the world, the picture is more mixed. But in almost every democracy, politicians who style themselves progressive face a common set of problems, to do with shrinking treasuries, looming environmental challenges, general pessimism and the resurgence of nationalism.

But the situation is more complex than it seems. As the article notes, "conservative" politicians, including France's beloved Sarko, haven't hesitated to bash capitalism and institute massive government bailout programs.

American conservatives looking for a ray of hope would do well to remember that the left/right distinction has always been relative; the Democratic Party would be considered center-right by European standards.

Even so, Europe's shift to the right is a good reminder that triumphalists are lousy at predicting the future. Karl Rove's "permanent Republican majority" was an illusion, and the shine is already wearing off Obama's magical presidency. Politically speaking, shift happens. In America, conservatives were in power when the economy took a dive, so they received a drubbing at the polls. But in countries where socialism held sway, leftists suffered a similar fate.

Some people vote according to unbending ideological principles. But the rest seem content to settle for voting the bums out, whoever the bums may be.

Drinking Their Troubles Away.

It's finally here! The moment we've all been waiting for in breathless anticipation!

The beer summit.

For two weeks, America has been enthralled by the epic racial drama that began with a 9-11 call, and ended with the arrest of a prominent black professor who just happened to be buddies with the prez.

Liberals decried the "racially motivated" actions of Jim Crowley, the police officer who put professor Henry Louis Gates in handcuffs. Conservatives pinned the blame on Gates, attempting to portray him as a racialist black-power nutcase.

Obama added fuel to the fire when he asserted that the police acted "stupidly." Later, the president tried to soften his statement. But it was too late -- commentators already had all the fodder they needed to create a delightful storm of made-for-cable-news controversy.

But now, it will all come to an end, as Obama The Uniter descends from his lofty throne to reconcile both sides of the conflict. Tonight, Crowley, Gates, and Obama will gather 'round a picnic table outside the White House, drink beer, and learn a valuable lesson about tolerance.

But there's another lesson that can be learned from the Gates-Crowley affair, and it has nothing to do with race-relations in America. It's a lesson about how the media can turn a meaningless series of unfortunate events into a public issue that everyone needs to care about.

Henry Louis Gates was an intellectual who lost his house key.

Jim Crowley was a police officer responding to a call about a break-in.

Gates was understandably upset that Crowley suspected him of breaking into his own home. He made a scene. Crowley was understandably upset about being chewed out by Gates. He arrested him for disorderly conduct.

Afterwards, Gates was promptly released.

The story was newsworthy, because Gates is a public figure. But it wasn't a story of all-consuming importance. At best, it was an odd story about a semi-famous person in a strange situation. It deserved a short blurb, and nothing more.

But Gates' racial interpretation of the event was too juicy to ignore, and two weeks later, a Rasmussen poll shows that 75% of Americans are still following the story "somewhat closely."

Oh well. Nothing washes away the flavor of legislative gridlock and plummeting approval ratings like knocking back a few cold ones with a cop and a seriously ticked-off academic.

When Worlds Collide.

Barack Obama's much-hyped speech to the Muslim world won't change anything. But it was a pretty good piece of political rhetoric.

Yes, he presented a white-washed version of Islamic history, but what else could he do? He's trying to make friends. And generally, you don't diss the people you want to befriend.

Most refreshingly, Obama resisted the temptation to identify Bush administration policies as the root of America's conflict with the Muslim world, as he's done on past occasions.

And while there were the expected apologies for past American actions in the Middle East (like the overthrow of Mohammed Mossadeq), Obama had equally strong praise for the good ol' USA.

Even so, it's beyond naive to assume that rhetoric will do anything to cure the Middle East's problems.

As Obama acknowledged, the conflict between Islamic nations and the West has been going on for a long time. But Obama's dead wrong when he assumes that all this fighting is the result of a communication problem. Like Bush, Obama assumes that all people essentially share the same set of values. It's a beautiful idea, but it's also completely wrong.

Not everyone is a fan of freedom, peace, equality, and tolerance. Historically, very few nations have celebrated these values the way modern societies do, and many nations still reject them. There are a variety reasons why this happens. Some people value the stability of tradition over the chaos that results from individual expression. Some people believe that the collective will should be exalted above personal choices.

And yes, many Muslims reject democratic values because of their religious beliefs.

Like all religions, Islam is complicated. To say that Islam has always been a religion of violence and intolerance would be inaccurate. But to characterize it as a force for peace and tolerance would be just as lopsided. Historically, most Islamic rulers allowed Christians and Jews to exist in their lands. But non-Islamic citizens were hardly equal. Their testimony was disregarded in court, and they were forced to pay a special tax. At times, they were forced to wear distinctive clothing. The Ottoman Empire populated its army with military slaves known as janisaries, most of whom were kidnapped from Christian families when they were children.

While the extermination of religious minorities was rarely official policy, it did happen.

There are verses in the Koran that imply that Christians and Jews will get to paradise, but there are also verses that seem to command Muslims to conquer unbelievers. Even if many modern Muslims would rather live and let live, you don't have to be a history professor to figure out that Muslims in the past felt differently about the matter. And there are still plenty of Muslims who follow the path of violent jihad.

Islamic jurists from different sects have conflicting opinions regarding Islam's compatibility with modern values. Needless to say, some come down firmly against them. While it's true that several Islamic countries have had female leaders, the broader state of women's rights -- and human rights in general -- in the Muslim world is still dismal. Assuming that all of this is just a massive coincidence, or the result of Western imperialism, is nonsense.

The arrogance of Western commentators is their constant claim that "true Islam" is peaceful. Some Islamic sects are peaceful, others aren't. What gives someone the authority to decide which ones are "true?"

I don't think that most Muslims are "bad people" by human standards. I don't think most of them want to kill me. I think they have some legitimate grievances against the West.

But radical Islam isn't an insignificant force in the Middle East. And its adherents don't share our values.

One of the great failures of humanistic policy makers has been their failure to understand the reality of god-centered religions. They assume that a common ethical core lies beneath the veneer of religious belief. If someone does bad things, it's simply because they're poor and oppressed. This is the flawed worldview that Obama espoused when he talked about people "clinging to guns and religion" because of economic hardship.

But in reality, many people do things simply because they believe it's what their god wants them to do -- whether or not it benefits them personally. Their values are not centered around humanistic ethics, or a survival instinct.

Material poverty can help spark an interest in radicalism, but not all radicals are poor. The Bin Laden family certainly isn't hurting for cash, but that didn't stop lil' Osama from going astray.

What am I getting at?

I'm not sure. In the real world, there's not much the American government can do beyond the things we're already doing: fighting terrorists when possible, allying ourselves with moderates in the region, and attempting to coax skeptical Muslims with reasonable concessions and kind words.

But reality should always inform our decisions. And the reality is that some people are very different from us, and will probably never be like us -- no matter how much we try to be their friends.

This is the world we live in. Coming to terms with it doesn't give us a clear roadmap for the future -- but it doesn't hurt either.

Freakin' Idiots!

If confirmed, Sonia Sotomayor would be the first Latina on the Supreme Court. Her story is inspiring: She grew up in a poor neighborhood in the Bronx, but managed to rise through the Ivy League and into a seat on one of the highest courts in the land.

Barack Obama boasts that she has a "common touch," and that her life experiences will help her make compassionate decisions.

But sadly, Sotomayor has chosen to ignore the needs of our nation's most persecuted minority group: Nerd-Americans.

Thousands of Nerd-Americans depend on nunchaku -- combined with ninja-like reflexes -- to floor attackers many times their size. But New York law bans the possession of nunchaku, or "chuka sticks," leaving Nerd-Americans in the state defenseless against muggings and epic wedgies.

For a brief moment, there was hope. James Maloney, a proud defender of the ancient nunchaku tradition, challenged the constitutionality of New York's oppressive law.

The case was callously dismissed by a district court.

In his time of need, he turned to the Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit. A panel of three justices, including Sotomayor, examined his case. They had a chance to right a grievous wrong, and strike a blow for Nerd-rights everywhere.

And yet, they chose to turn Maloney away, like some kind of hideous legal puppy that no one could love.

In their ruling, Sotomayor and her cronies asserted that the Second Amendment didn't apply to the states, making his complaint invalid.

But they didn't stop there. Instead, Sotomayor & Co. decided to slander the art of nunchaku-wielding by repeating a torrent of fear-mongering that would make Janet Napolitano blush:

The legislative history of section 265.00 makes plain that the ban on possession of nunchakus imposed by section 265.01(1) is supported by a rational basis. Indeed, as Appellant concedes, when the statute was under consideration, various parties submitted statements noting the highly dangerous nature of nunchakus. For example, New York’s Attorney General, Louis J. Lefkowitz, asserted that nunchakus “ha[ve] apparently been widely used by muggers and street gangs and ha[ve] been the cause of many serious injuries.” Mem. from Attorney Gen. Louis J. Lefkowitz to the Governor (Apr. 8, 1974). And the sponsor of the bill, Richard Ross, stated that “[w]ith a minimum amount of practice, [the nunchaku] may be effectively used as a garrote, bludgeon, thrusting or striking device. The [nunchaku] is designed primarily as a weapon and has no purpose other than to maim or, in some instances, kill.” See N.Y. Penal Law § 265.00, practice commentary, definitions (“Chuka stick”) (quoting Letter of Assemblyman Richard C. Ross to the Counsel to the Governor (1974)).

Shame on you, Sotomayor. Shame on you, New York. America was founded on the belief that every man had the right to disable his foes with the Japanese weapon of his choosing. But as soon as your nerdophobic tendencies kick in, none of that matters to you.

As a Supreme Court justice, you'll have a chance to redeem yourself. You'll have another shot at forming an alliance with the Nerd-American community.

If you reject them, don't come crying to me when a chaotic elven wizard inflicts 30 points of damage on you with his rod of shadows.

The Trouble With Torture.

After the release of a series of Bush administration memos on the legality of "enhanced interrogation techniques," the battle over torture has returned with a vengeance.

Conservatives tend to believe that torture is a necessary evil. It isn't pretty -- but it saves lives. According to conservative news sources, information extracted via waterboarding from 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed helped prevent a major terrorist attack on L.A.

Liberals assert that torture is morally wrong and damages America's standing in the world. The strongest opponents of torture would love to see Bush and Co. stand trial for war crimes.

Clearly, the President has to make some tough calls when it comes to keeping Americans safe. When thousands of innocent lives hang in the balance, the morality of torture doesn't seem so black and white.

If Obama knew he could save a city by subjecting a scary bearded man to intense physical discomfort, would he really stick to his principles?

Then again, can anyone ever be sure that torture will produce life-saving information?

By any measure, torture is a great way to get people to talk. Inflict enough pain, and someone will tell you what you want to hear. But what if the truth isn't what you want to hear? What if Mr. Death To America really doesn't know anything?

Then you get stuck with a steaming heap of bad intelligence. In fact, according to a new report from the Senate Armed Services Committee, much of Bush's faulty intelligence on the link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda came out of torture sessions.

When you get right down to it, torture is a questionable tool at best. If the clock is ticking on an impending terror attack, torturing a bad guy could prevent the destruction. But it could also horribly mislead law enforcement and accomplish nothing.

Perhaps when the stakes are high enough, some just prefer a dubious gamble to nothing at all.

One Lump, Or Two?

The formula for a protest is simple:

You hold a sign adorned with an angry political message.

People who disagree with your message feel mad inside.
Sometimes, they argue with you.

People who agree with your message feel happy inside.
Sometimes, they give you high-fives.

If there are enough people holding signs with you, a TV crew arrives.
A 30 second clip of angry sign-wavers appears on the six o' clock news.

The tea party protests didn't deviate from the formula. But it seems that some people were unfamiliar with the whole protest thing.

An indignant Huffington Post featured a slideshow of the "ten most offensive" signs from the tea party protests. A couple of them -- gasp! -- compared Obama to Hitler!

Can you imagine? Comparing an American president to Hitler! At a protest!

Oh, the horror of it all.

After CNN reporter Susan Roesgen failed at sharing the stimulus gospel with a protestor, she noted the "anti-government" tone of the protest, and announced that it wasn't appropriate for "family viewing."

Indeed. Keep airing that garbage, and babies will start opposing redistributionary tax policies.

Were there some ignorant, angry people at the tea party protests? Yes. But nobody should come to a protest expecting a university lecture on political philosophy. A protest is a magical time when a bunch of people get mad at something together. Ugliness happens.

The Audacity Of Giving Crappy Gifts To British People.

When Barack Obama gave Gordon Brown a set of 25 popular American films on DVD, people were puzzled. The dour English PM isn't known for his love of American cinema.

It didn't help that the ill-fated discs were region-coded for U.S. playback, making them as useless as bagels in British DVD players.

Now, thanks to Barack Obama, Queen Elizabeth will be sporting a shiny new iPod, loaded with videos of... herself.

Yeah.

In most situations, an iPod makes an awesome gift. I highly suggest that you buy me at least two. But for the Queen of England?

Obama can do better than this. However, it appears that he needs a bit of help. Fortunately, I'm willing to place my vast knowledge of British stereotypes at his disposal.

This is an exhaustive list of things that British people like:

- Tea.
- Biscuits and/or Scones.
- Small cars.
- Witty butlers.
- Poor dental care.

Take note, Mr. President. We can't afford another 1812.

In The Name of Science!

Obama doesn't agree with pro-lifers, but he respects them. He respects them so much, he doesn't have to prove it with silly things like compromise.

Obama's latest proclamation of respect for pro-lifers came as he repealed Bush's eight-year restriction on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research. According to Obama, ideology had nothing to do with his decision. He certainly didn't want to offend all those nice religious people.

He only did what he had to do for science.

The pervasive narrative on the left is a simple one: for years, Bush and his savage horde of fundamentalists pillaged the scientific establishment, confining research to an ideological prison. Now, Obama has come to liberate American science, restoring the sacred art to its proper place by making scientific policy based on "sound science."

This little tale is flawed on two points.

First of all, science is a system of rational enquiry, not a system of ethics. In and of itself, the scientific process is amoral. As such, science is a poor guide when it comes to determining our policy towards science.

(During Obama's statement on stem cell research, he promised to stand against human cloning. Was that a decision based on scientific research, or his own moral beliefs? Score one for hypocrisy.)

But in any case, Bush's stem cell policy wasn't an ignorant attempt to send America back to the dark ages. It didn't ban research on embryonic stem cells, or even ban federal funding for embryonic stem cell research. It merely restricted federal funding to research on existing lines of embryos. States and private organizations were allowed to take things further if they wished. Some did.

Far from being a heavy-handed research "ban," the Bush policy was a nuanced acknowledgement of a complex issue. Obama, on the other hand, refuses to throw the opposing side anything beyond a few token words of appreciation.

We've come to expect this from Obama. While Obama frequently preaches the gospel of bi-partisanship, he rarely gives conservative voices a fair hearing. In many cases, he blatantly dismisses them as the "failed policies of the past" or "old ideas." Republicans who pulled the lever for Obama because he sounded reasonable may quickly come to regret their decision.

If Obama wants to bridge America's ideological divide, he should back up his kind words with a bit of substance.

Obama: People Still Like Him.

Is the Obama brand tarnished? Not so, sayeth Ben Smith:

With Barack Obama’s victory in passing a massive stimulus package marred by days of bad press — as not a single House Republican backed the bill, his health czar went down in flames and his second pick for commerce secretary walked away — the administration has been cut down to size, and lost some of its bipartisan sheen.

Such, at least, has been the beltway chatter, but so far the numbers don’t back it up.

Obama’s approval rating remains well above 60 percent in tracking polls. A range of state pollsters said they’d seen no diminution in the president’s sky-high approval ratings, and no improvement in congressional Republicans’ dismal numbers.

Nothing surprising here. Obama has been president for less than a month; Americans are reserving judgement until they have something to judge. But if the economy is still in the tank a year from now, the numbers may be a bit different. Fair or not, the current President is always blamed when the money trees refuse to bear their succulent fruit.

But even if Obama can't resuscitate the GDP, we'll always have a larger national debt to look forward to. It's so beautiful, floating out there in space, cloaked in a shroud of incomprehensible majesty. I'm pretty sure it's already being worshipped by some celebrity-saturated cult in L.A.

Just A Little Bit Of Harmless Corruption.

When a Senate seat is vacated, it's always tough for the governor saddled with the task of finding a new person to fill it. The concerns of competing interest groups must be balanced, and possible charges of cronyism and nepotism must be avoided. For Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois, the challenge was especially daunting, given the stature of the seat's previous occupant.

Fortunately, resourceful Rod drew up an elegant solution to the problem: handing out the seat to whoever gave him the most money.

The plan was almost perfect, except for two little things: it was illegal, and evil.

Now, the FBI has gone and spoiled everything. I guess he should have just stuck with the coin toss.