Showing posts with label new year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new year. Show all posts

Saturday, September 11, 2010

9/11


The Berlin Wall fell a few months after I was born. The Soviet Union collapsed when I was still a toddler.

Growing up in the '90s, you had an overwhelming sense that history had ended. Not completely, of course. There were lots of little wars, in little countries no one cared about. Jim Lehrer kept on talking about Bosnia for some reason. And something called the Internet happened at some point.

But face it: life was good. The cosmic struggle over the fate of the world had ended. On September 11, 1990, as the first Gulf War loomed, the first President Bush famously set the tone for the next decade:

Out of these troubled times, our fifth objective -- a new world order -- can emerge: a new era -- freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit of justice, and more secure in the quest for peace. An era in which the nations of the world, East and West, North and South, can prosper and live in harmony.

In a matter of months, the United States brought one of the largest military forces in the world to its knees. And a decade later, it really did seem like a new world. America ruled, computers were everywhere, and the Furby promised to delight children of all ages with its ability to mimic human speech.

As my family and friends rang in the start of a new millennium, I didn't know what the future would hold. But as I stood in the warmth of the Hawaiian winter, I knew my world would be better and safer than the world my parents and grandparents had grown up in.

On the night of September 10th, 2001, there was a scheduled power outage in our neighborhood. My family decided to turn the event into a kind of family bonding experience. We were all going to sleep together in the living room. Like a sleepover, but without the friends, or fun. Or electricity.

When I woke up the next morning, the power was back on. Almost everyone had made their way back to their own rooms. I drowsily rolled off my sofa bed and wandered into the hallway. I could hear the TV on in my parents' room.

I walked in, and saw a skyscraper in New York collapsing. Another was on fire.

I hadn't seen enough movies to immediately recognize the Twin Towers, but I knew a lot of Americans were dying, and things were about to change.

History was starting again.

It felt like we were stuck in front of the television for days, waiting for things to make sense. When President Bush gave his address to the nation, I felt more proud of my country that I ever had before, and probably ever will.

(A lot of people wonder how Bush managed to sneak into a second term. I think it's because 62 million people didn't forget that speech.)

Like most Americans, I felt everything that day. Terror. Sadness. Anger. But that night, I wrote a typically matter-of-fact entry in my journal:

September 11, 2001, a date that shall live in infamy. Today, terrorists completely destroyed the world trade center twin towers, and damaged the pentagon. They did so by highjacking 4 airliners, and crashing into their targets. One plane crashed in a field and did no damage. The death toll is not yet confirmed.

A month later, I wrote a follow up, with the appropriate heading "America Strikes Back:"

Shortly after the attacks on the WTC it was confirmed that the hijackers were members of Al-Qaeda, a terrorist organization headed by Osama Bin Laden. This organization has been credited with the bombing of the USS Cole. The organization, which is based in Afghanistan, has been tolerated and supported by Afghanistan's Taliban regime. In a speech, president George W. Bush called the terrorist attacks "an act of war" and condemned the Taliban regime.

On Sunday, October 7, 2001, the U.S began launching air strikes on Afghanistan.

Today, America is drowning in debt, and divided. We're still fighting in Afghanistan. The President tells us that we're done fighting in Iraq -- but the 50,000 troops that remain tell a different story. We have no leaders. Liberals are stabbing each other in the back, while conservatives fawn over a self-proclaimed rodeo clown and an unemployed hockey mom.

When the masses celebrated the start of the new millennium on January 1, 2000, smart people scoffed. They knew that the 21st century wouldn't really start until 2001.

They were right.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Open Letters To Random Public Figures At The Dawn Of A New Year.

Dear Barack Obama,

Please don't screw everything up.
Please.

Dear George W. Bush,

People are always saying mean things about you, but deep down inside, they're just jealous that you got to be president and they didn't. You're not really like Hitler, are you? I mean, you don't even have a mustache. Which, by the way, is something you should definitely consider growing. You have less than a month left in office, and everyone is shunning you. What do you have to lose? Growing a mustache would transform you into a legend, like bigfoot, or that dancing guy on YouTube. And given the complete intolerance for presidential facial hair that has prevailed throughout the last 100 years, your upper-lip warmer would strike a blow for facial freedom that would resound for decades to come. Please George, do it for the children.

Dear Sarah Palin,

A little bit of ambition can be a great thing. Too much ambition, on the other hand, can lead to bad things. Like being stabbed by your friends en-masse on the Ides of March. You don't want that to happen, do you? Alaska is a nice place. Why don't you just stay there? In Washington DC, they don't even let you hunt mooses. Heck, they don't even have mooses.

It's a hellhole, Sarah. Let the elites have it.

Dear Mike Huckabee,

I've never seen your TV show, but just thinking about the fact that you have a TV show makes me feel inexplicably happy. On a vaguely related note, you should start endorsing products. I would definitely buy Huckabee biscuit mix -- and I don't even normally buy biscuit mix! Think about it: you could be the white male Aunt Jemima of biscuits. It almost makes the presidency sound pathetic in comparison.

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

I know you don't like Americans very much, but really, we aren't that bad. Have you ever had a chocolate chip cookie? We invented those. They're basically little circles of condensed joy. Of course, they have to be fresh from the oven if you want to experience them in their full glory, but even a bag of "Famous Amos" will do in a pinch. Seriously, you should try some. And maybe rethink that whole "death to America" thing.

Dear Kim Jong Il,

Are you still alive? If not, can I have your gerbil? It would mean a lot to me.

If you are still alive, please die. You're kind of a terrible person, and I really want that gerbil. Thanks.

Dear American Capitalism,

Please don't leave. We still love you! Some may complain about your so-called "excesses," but I don't see anything wrong with a small group of people becoming very rich, and then squandering their wealth on gold-plated ice cream and bad mortgages. Without the zany antics of irresponsible rich people, the world would be as boring as Imperial Margarine. And just between you and me, I'm not a big fan of your cousin, European Socialism. He may give everyone medicine for free, and feed homeless kittens, but he's still a smug, self-righteous jerk. Don't even get me started on those taxes of his. Anyways, just hang in there. If you survive to annoy just one more French person, it'll be worth it.