It's The End Of The (Financial) World As We Know It, And I Feel Fine.

Stocks are falling.

Banks are failing.
The government is in crisis mode.

But despite the prevailing mood of doom and destruction, it isn't all bad.

Listening to the rhetoric being spouted by any given politician, you'd think that the entire financial disaster was engineered by a handful of greedy Wall Street executives. In reality, this is little more than a populist bedtime story. While it's true that Wall Street shoulders a certain amount of the blame, corporate greed is only part of the equation.

Banks were unwise to give out mortgages to people who couldn't pay them back -- but the same could be said of the people taking them. For decades, the American consumer has subscribed to the notion that something can be had for nothing. As far as notions go, that's a pretty bad one.

And following it has consequences.

We've seen our national savings rate dip into negative numbers. We've seen people drowning in debt to maintain their lifestyles. And now, we're seeing the financial sector crashing down under the weight of all the loans that people simply can't pay back.

Thanks to the greed of Wall Street and Main Street, our economy is feeling the squeeze. Millions of Americans will almost certainly suffer through financial hardship.

So what "isn't all bad" about this?

In short, the crisis gives our country a chance to transform itself. And I'm not speaking in purely political terms. The financial crisis should serve as a wake up call to people in every segment of society. In government, business, and at home, Americans have held a view of money that stands utterly detached from any sort of reality. Although the phrase has become something of a cliché, people have been "living beyond their means". Now that the bubble has finally burst, the economy has a chance to start over again. 

Painful? Yes.

But sometimes, you have to learn the hard way.

Shattering The Elite Elitism Of The Elites.

If you've been paying any attention to the conservative pundit-sphere recently, you've probably heard quite a few things about elitists. Elitists are mean people with college degrees who live on the east coast. Unlike real Americans, elitists have a bizarre attachment to local produce, and enjoy listening to NPR shows such as "All Things Considered" and "This American Life". Rarely will an elitist be found at a patriotic tail-gate party, downing six-packs with Joe. Instead, elitists prefer to participate in "culture", a vile assortment of abstract art, indie films, critically-acclaimed television, and expensive cheese.

But worst of all, elitists refuse to be charmed by Sarah Palin.

They dare to question her experience.

They have the gall to hint at her lack of knowledge.

They even ridicule her folksiness.

Oh, those gosh darn elitists!

The elitists are too blind to see that Sarah Palin doesn't need a degree from a fancy-pants school like Harvard to be smart. She also doesn't need to read newspapers, know the names of important military commanders, or actually answer questions. Most of all, she certainly doesn't need that whole "understanding of foreign policy" thing that elitists seem to drool over.

Sarah Palin -- bless her heart -- is special just the way she is!

Deep down, everyone knows that experience, knowledge, and the ability to communicate are insignificant chocolate chips in the giant cookie of leadership. The wholesome folks down on Main St. thirst for a different set of qualities. They want someone with big hair, an insatiable hunger for moose-flesh, and a pregnant teenage daughter.

They want someone like Sarah Palin.

Elitists can sit in their tastefully decorated condos and whine all they want about Sarah Palin's role in "the assault on reason". As much as they try to mask it with smart-sounding words, their hatred of Sarah Palin is clearly just another manifestation of their hatred of America, freedom, and professional wrestling.

They want the terrorists to win.

A vote for Palin-McCain can help stop them

Clash Of The Titans!

Everyone was waiting for it:

The big slip up.
The game-changing performance.
Anything that would alter the dynamic of the race.

It never arrived.

The first presidential debate was intense, but neither candidate managed to score a decisive victory.

Naturally, America's current economic crisis was given the seat of honor at the debate. Contrasting opinions about the solution were remarkably absent. Both candidates generally agreed that the $700 billion bailout should be passed, assuming that appropriate measures are added to protect "main street".

Even when it came to diagnosing the root cause of the problem, there was little fundamental disagreement. Barack Obama was quick to pin the problem on too little government regulation in corporate America. McCain didn't use the same wording as Obama, but he made it clear that he believed "corporate greed and excess, and CEO pay, and all that" were the biggest villains in the crisis.

However, McCain also delivered a scathing -- albeit familiar -- indictment of wasteful government spending, including Barack Obama's own earmarks. Obama voiced general agreement with McCain's call for earmark reform, but attacked McCain's plan to cut taxes for the wealthy. McCain responded by attacking Obama's plan to raise taxes on businesses. You can probably fill in the blanks from here.

Trying to nudge the discussion into more specific territory, moderator Jim Lehrer asked a thoughtful question: which of their proposed programs would the candidates give up due to the $700 billion dollar bailout package? Both Barack Obama and John McCain had the same answer: none of them. Apparently, nearly a trillion dollars of unplanned deficit spending isn't big enough to trigger budget cutbacks elsewhere. You could almost hear logic and reality weeping backstage.

The most pointed remarks of the night came during the foreign policy portion of the debate. McCain bluntly referred to Obama as "naive" about the nature of the world, and constantly referenced his own years of experience in international affairs. For his part, Obama harped on McCain's support for the Iraq war, and delivered the expected tirade against Bush's foreign policy. Heated arguments, but certainly no surprises.

Notably absent from the debate was any mention of Sarah Palin, whose very existence on McCain's ticket would seem to undermine the whole "experience matters" thing he likes to talk about so much.

So, that's my take. For your reading pleasure, I've included some of the tastiest quotes from the debate below. Enjoy.

John McCain:

"I saved the taxpayers $6.8 billion by fighting a contract that was negotiated between Boeing and DOD that was completely wrong. And we fixed it and we killed it and the people ended up in federal prison"

I'm glad they fixed the bill before killing it. Somehow, killing a broken bill always feels less than satisfying.

"I've got a pen, and I'm going to veto every single spending bill that comes across my desk. I will make them famous. You will know their names."

Whose names? Who's going to be famous? I'm both scared and confused.

"the American people know me very well and that is independent and a maverick of the Senate."

Um, yeah.

"By the way, North Korea, most repressive and brutal regime probably on Earth. The average South Korean is three inches taller than the average North Korean, a huge gulag."

Short people are evil.

Barack Obama:

"What I've called for is a tax cut for 95 percent of working families, 95 percent. And that means that the ordinary American out there who's collecting a paycheck every day, they've got a little extra money to be able to buy a computer for their kid, to fill up on this gas that is killing them."

Truly, people need to buy more stuff that will kill them.

"Now, John mentioned the fact that business taxes on paper are high in this country, and he's absolutely right. Here's the problem: There are so many loopholes that have been written into the tax code, oftentimes with support of Senator McCain, that we actually see our businesses pay effectively one of the lowest tax rates in the world."

Like Barack Obama, I too am personally outraged and appalled that our business tax rates are actually really low. 

"We've got to invest in science and technology. China had a space launch and a space walk. We've got to make sure that our children are keeping pace in math and in science."

Hasn't America been doing that whole space thing thing for about fifty years now? 

The Other White Guy.

Amidst all the commotion over pigs wearing makeup, bridges to nowhere, and teen pregnancy, it seems that one little fact has been lost in the shuffle:

Barack Obama also has a running mate.

His name is Joe Biden. Remember him? He's the guy who called Barack Obama "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy". This is a big deal, because, as Joe Biden put it, "that's a story book, man."

Indeed, Joe Biden is an awesome person, and not just because he says hilariously inappropriate things. For starters, he's old and white -- just like McCain! He also sits on a bunch of Senate committees, and can often be seen talking about important stuff on C-span.

In other words, he's a part of what Obama likes to call "the broken Washington system".

But don't worry: Biden is a good part of the bad system. As a Democrat, Joe Biden is clearly free of the tainted politics of the past. Partisanship is a Republican invention, created by the neo-con overlords to hide their diabolical schemes from the eyes of the American people.

Democrats, including our beloved Joe Biden, never bought into it for a second.

Instead, they've spent their years in congress fighting for down-to-earth blue collar folks who live in trailers and work in coal mines and/or toothpaste factories. Those are the hard working Americans that lie at the heart of our nation; the people you sometimes see in National Geographic photo essays on the American spirit.

Those are the people that raised Joe Biden.

Unlike John McCain, who was born into a life of luxury, Joe Biden started life as a wretched Irish kid in Scranton PA. Yes, that Scranton. Throughout Biden's childhood, his hard-working parents instilled sturdy American values into his young mind. He would never forget his mother's creed:

"No one is better than you. Everyone is your equal, and everyone is equal to you."

These are the redundant words that drive Joe Biden to fight for equality, people being equal, and everyone being treated the same. And you can bet your weight in rusty quarters that Vice President Biden will bring this good fight to the highest corridors of power.

No, Joe Biden isn't a woman, and has never field dressed a moose. 
Yes, most people don't seem to care that he's on Barack's ticket. 

But that doesn't make Joe Biden any less of a winner.

He may not have Sarah Palin's "buzz". He may not draw Sarah Palin's crowds. But he has something that she'll never have:

Hair plugs.

Verily, the true meaning of the American dream.

Sarah Who?

The list of contenders had been discussed for weeks.

Tim Pawlenty: the base pleasing evangelical.
Mitt Romney: the native son who could snag Michigan.
Joe Lieberman: the independent wild card.

We waited and wondered. Which one would John McCain give the nod to?

Today, we know the answer: none of the above.

In a few weeks, McCain-Palin '08 bumper stickers will show up in parking lots across the nation. Hopefully, people will have recovered from the shock by then.

Who the heck is this person?

Sarah Palin is the governor of Alaska. Like Hillary Clinton, she happens to be a woman. Unlike Hillary Clinton, she happens to be a strong social conservative. McCain is probably hoping that bitter Hillary supporters ignore -- and evangelical supporters notice -- that last part. She's younger than Barack Obama, and has five kids, including one with downs syndrome.

I could go on.

But there's only one thing you really need to know about Sarah Palin. A profile in the Times of London included this gem:

"As a child she regularly got up before dawn to go moose-hunting with her father"

Moose-hunting. Seriously.

This election just became awesome.

Black (Political) Gold!

The merits of offshore oil drilling are heavily disputed. Plenty of smart people have pointed out that the economic benefits of offshore drilling would be non-existent in the short term, and hardly noticeable in the long term. On the non-economic front, environmentalists are jittery about the possibility of oil spills soiling the feathers of baby ducks and other photogenic animals. If that weren't enough, both environmentalists and smart people have argued that our ultimate goal should be to phase out fossil fuels completely -- making any move to expand our supply of oil counterproductive.

Logically speaking, some of those arguments may be partially valid.
Politically speaking, none of them matter.

Right or wrong, the public wants offshore drilling. Democrats in Washington would do well to take notice -- if they want to keep their jobs.

Here are the raw numbers (taken from Rasmussen Reports):

64% of Americans support offshore oil drilling
67% recognize that Republicans support offshore drilling.
77% say that the issue will affect how they vote for congress.
61% want congress to return to Washington to lift the ban.

With such widespread support for offshore drilling, Democrats who oppose it are playing right into a classic liberal stereotype: the elitist, condescending professor, arrogantly lecturing the poor, ignorant people about what they ought to believe.

Clearly, this is a cause for great feasting and celebration in the land of the GOP.

After years of setbacks, Republicans have finally found a populist issue that they can successfully hammer the Democrats with. Some have even attributed John McCain's surprising buoyancy in the polls to his outspoken support for offshore drilling.

Responding to these gale-force winds of public opinion, Barack Obama has already signaled his willingness to compromise on the issue. Nancy Pelosi and Harry "oil makes us sick" Reid should consider following suite.

A flip-flop? Maybe.

But at least it's a change that 64% of Americans can believe in.

A Face You Can Trust.

John Edwards, conqueror of corporations, defender of the impoverished, and possessor of the golden haircut, is now watching helplessly as his public image is dismantled, piece by piece. All of his illustrious accomplishments are slowly being overshadowed by his scarlet mistake. No one cares about who John Edwards was, because they can only see him for what he is now: a guy who cheated on his dying wife.

Sure, John Edwards made a mistake -- but should that be allowed to tarnish a shining career of heroic heroism? In the midst of the overblown controversy, I think we should all take a little time to remember the real John Edwards.

Born the son of a middle-class mill supervisor, John Edwards grew up with the knowledge that poor people existed somewhere. He would never forget this. After graduating with a law degree from the University of North Carolina, his career options were endless. He could have easily taken a selfish corporate job, lining his pockets by oppressing the downtrodden.

Instead, he became their defender.

Doctors, hospitals, and the makers of cheap swimming pool accessories quaked with fear as John Edwards held them to account for their sheer depravity and evilness. In the blink of an eye, his legal career rose to stratospheric heights -- but he refused to use his talent to enrich himself. When it came time to purchase a house, Edwards chose to dwell in a modest 28,000 square foot home, even though he could have afforded at least 30,000.

The forsaken poor of our nation looked up at this pillar of justice, and saw their dreams reflected in the glistening strands of his righteous mane. He was their savior, the man who would break the chains of systemic injustice, and lead them into a new century of prosperity and unbridled joy. They were his people -- and John Edwards could not deny them.

In the Senate, John Edwards began his greatest crusade for the poor. The path was lonely, and covered in little spiky rocks that really hurt when stepped on. But he refused to abandon the little man. The fight had to be fought, as no one had ever fought the fight before.

A nation had to be awakened from its greedy slumber.
John Edwards had to run for president.

Traveling from sea to shining sea, Edwards became the voice of the voiceless. His message was simple: poor people exist, and they must be made un-poor with the help of copious amounts of government cash.

At first, his efforts were met with confusion. Many had never heard of such things. Who were these "poor"? Wasn't "poverty" an unpopular flavor of ice cream during the '90s? Why did these things need to change? Like infants using their eyes for the first time, the flabby bourgeois of the nation simply stood in place, blinking at the pure light of truth.

He didn't win. But he didn't quit either.

Four years later, he tried again -- and failed again.

The cynics out there might tell you that John Edwards never really made a difference in the political world. They couldn't be more wrong. No, he didn't become president, but he did something that no one else had ever done before: he talked about poor people. As anyone who watches Oprah knows, healing can only happen through open, honest talk. John Edwards gave that to our nation. Because of his campaigns, we now know that poverty is a problem that must be solved. We also know that the solution has something to do with well-groomed hair and lawsuits. Now, the rest is up to us.

That's the real Edwards legacy. Not a legacy of deceit, adultery, or ludicrously expensive haircuts, but a legacy of hope. In our darkest hour, John Edwards was a light. In the midst of our ignorance, he gave us the sacred knowledge. 

For that, both Americas should be forever grateful.