It's long, but you should still read it... I mean if that's the kind of thing you're into.
Most people would start off a post like this by saying "Well, I know I haven't written in a while..", or "I'm Baaack!!!", or maybe some crappy paragraph about how busy they were, and how they're going to try to post more regularly, or maybe a sob story about how their next door neighbor hired a professional killer to cap their beloved yorkie, and how they had to aid the FBI in a 4 month cross-country manhunt that ended in a shootout in which many close friends had their lives snuffed out in a tragic case of friendly fire, and how much the experience took out of them emotionally. But everyone knows that nobody bothers reading that trash anyways, and how empty such pathetic excuses sound to the brazen ears of their accusing friends that have been nagging them to "post more on their blog", since last January. Deep inside, those people know that they're frauds, and when they're friendless and rejected, so alone that they can hear their frantic thoughts echo inside the hollow tomb of their empty souls, they know, absolutely and surely that... they... completely LOSE AT LIFE.
So instead of wasting a bunch of fluffy words on a big pile of nothing that nobody cares about, I'll start off by diving right into the unique brand of political commentary that made me famous. The kind of political commentary you wish you could write, but you can't because you're too busy writing about hanging out at WalMart/StarBucks/TheMall with your loser friends while taking pictures of yourself (and your loser friends) with that 1.5 Megapixal camera that your great-grandma left you in her will.
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I get to vote in 2008. And I don't particularly care. Am I the only one who thinks that the next presidential elections are going to be, for the lack of a better word, retarded*? Who's worth voting for? What Republican candidates are the "Moral Majority" supposed to get excited about? Liberals like John McCain or Rudy Giuliani? Maybe Mitt Romney's a good guy... but I don't think he has enough recognition to make it. And his selection of judges while serving as the governor of Massachusetts seems to be questionable. Since George W. Bush, Bill Frist, and all those other guys have pretty much damaged the public reputation of the party to an immeasurable degree, the only hope of the Republicans is someone with a flawless record, who has enough charisma to sway all the opinionless, TV poll fed "swing-voters", that seem to be all the rage these days with politicians. Of course, if the Democrats get someone like Hillary or Dean to run, maybe there's hope after all. The magical thing about Howard Dean is the sheer amount of stupid and offensive things that he's said during the past couple years, which permanently stain his reputation. And of course Hillary is hated by the right and the extreme left, almost guaranteeing failure.
But do you know what I really want? Do you what the one thing I'm looking foward to in 2008 is? The possibility of getting a president that doesn't make an idiot of himself whenever he opens his mouth. I'm not saying that our beloved leader George Bush is stupid, I'm just saying he's a terrible public figure. He has no capicity to inspire, to sway the public, or to just not look dumb. He's a horrible speaker. A terrible speaker. I've seen several 12 year old beginning speakers that sounded better than him. And of course it's not as if he's actually speaking his own words anyways, he's just reading whatever his speach writer wrote for the occasion. He was on TV once, speaking about illegal immigration, and the tele-promptor that was feeding him words shut down. He just sat staring like a monkey at the screen, with absolutely nothing to say. That kind of thing damages America's image. A big part of the presidency is representing our country to the world. The president is our figurehead, he's the person people in other countries think of when they think of America. Is a representative that can speak our language too much to ask?
Think of FDR. Now, personally I dislike FDR. I think he screwed up America. But do you know what? He knew how to communicate. He knew how to write speaches. And he knew how to deliver them. Think of Winston Churchill. His public image had a lot to do with why the people of England didn't give up. Sure, he could make decisions too, but when you're a LEADER, the man who's supposed to be in front of his country leading the charge against it's enemies, image is key. Despite what Barney the dinosaur says, what people think of you does matter. End of story.
So in short, if the Republicans want to have a fighting chance, they need to give the American people a man of conviction, who really believes in restoring moral order, small government, and all that Right-Wing jazz, but someone who can also COMMUNICATE those ideas with the american public, someone who can really look like a leader, not just some wind-up monkey reading off a piece of paper, pronouncing half the words wrong, and accidentally omitting the other half.
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And George W. Bush, if you're reading this, don't worry. We all love you. You're still better than John Kerry. Just have Karl Rove speak for you, okay? He's cool. I mean, you're cool too, and you can still appoint judges and not veto spending bills and all that stuff that you do in the White-Hizzie... but try to stay out of sight. Thanks.
*My apologies to any retards that might be reading this.
